Do you ever have days where are trying to be something you are not? I have those days all the time. This weekend was definitely a bunch of those days put together. I throw a pot luck with some friends and tried to put a smiling face on the whole time. I tried to push myself harder then I should have. I still tried to do all the things i usually do, all well trying to grieve. I felt like i needed to be super mom/wife. Guess what I'm not super mom/wife.
Today I looked around my house and said "wow, Why am i even trying?" At bedtime I took off the boys PJs from the night before to put them in new PJs. I just wanted someone to make me dinner. I wanted someone to put my dishes away and put the dirty ones in the dish washer that had been piling up since Saturday. I wanted someone to do my never ending laundry. I wanted someone to stuff the clean cloth diapers and put them away. I didn't want to be me.
I'm not saying I hate my life. I really love my life I love my boys and the love they show me everyday I love my husband and all the hard work he does to provide for our little family, he wakes up at 3am 5 days a week to go to work. What I am saying is, I just wanted to be taken care of for a couple of days so I can grieve . I wanted some one to care of me. I didn't want to be super mommy/wife.
This weekend was hard. This week has been hard and will continue. I know everything happens for a reason, but I still need to grieve. I of course will hold my boys closer and give them more kisses like I have the last couple of day. I'm so blessed to able to have my boys and to be a stat at home mommy. I just can't be super mommy/wife for a couple of days.as my heart is somewhere else.
I know no one will read this, but I just needed to get my thoughts out.
Was told this quote on Monday and believe it to be true " An Angel opened the Book of Life and wrote down my baby's birth then closed it and whispered, 'Too perfect for the Earth'" - anonymous
I know am I a Child of God.
